10:30pm ;

1:31 PM 0 Comments

When I found out, it didn't really make sense. Then at 10:12pm, it did. 
First I was numb. When my host family asked 'ça va', I replied with 'comme çi, comme ça.' 
Then I was angry. That's when the "what ifs, should've, could've, would've's" come to mind. What if I'd stayed in Perth? (If I'd stayed in Perth, would it have happened?) I could've stopped it. (How?) I would've stopped it. (By grabbing the knife? Calling the police?) 
I'm on the other side of the world, and yet my problems still follow me. At 10:22pm the next night, I wasn't angry. I was just upset. I'm not sure what upsets me more. 
The thought of being watched? (It wasn't even me being watched, but that makes it worse.) 
The fact I've lost my belongings? (No, not that, they're replaceable, even if the stories and photos saved on my laptop aren't.) 
The fact that my home was violated? (I don't know what they did in the house, it doesn't feel safe anymore.) 
The fact that they ate food we had bought? (Why does that make me squirm and reach for the light?) 
I'm such a firm believer in the theory that everything happens for a reason, but right now, I don't see any possible reason behind this. 
10:34pm. I'm tired. I don't want to deal with my problems back in Australia. I will be back in 8 days, and I can deal with them then. 


At least my mum thinks I'm cool.